5th November, 16.24p



My father used to talk about the gigs he's been to with a heart full of nostalgia and a gaze that looked vaguely of him envisioning the memory of rockstars running around on stage in his eyes as he spoke. Pete Davidson, SNL cast member, regular Comedy Central Roast attendee, and all around strange dude was interviewed on The Breakfast Club radio show recently. What was most surprising was the way he talked about the fact that Kid Cudi's debut album 'Man on the Moon' is the reason he is still alive today. Because if he had never dropped it Pete would have killed himself. The level of truth he speaks with about the importance of that album to him makes perfectly clear that that emotion cannot be faked. Most importantly because that much vulnerability is too dangerous for today's world so to say it publicly, is almost unheard of.

You have to understand what Bastilles' first album meant to me. Now, I would still be here if it wasn't released but, I am sure that without it I wouldn't be the person I am today. Yes, the gigs my father went to were much cooler than a solid amount of the ones I have seen. And I know he won't agree with me on this one; but the show I saw last Tuesday night was one of the best shows I have ever been to, and do believe I will ever see. Keep in mind I saw Bowie when I was seven on his last tour ever.

If you don't know who Bastille is I recommend you having a look see at some of their tracks...
Flaws: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3D-B56YgXQ 
Lethargy: https://soundcloud.com/bastilleuk/lethargy
Snakes: https://soundcloud.com/bastilleuk/snakes

When they released their second album, Wild World, this September, after three years of waiting, I expected quite a bit from them to say the least. What I, and all Bastille fans got, was a body of work that can consume your soul and release your heart of all kinds of emotion. When I tell you that Bastille, Dan Smith specifically, has my entire heart and soul (in a metaphorical way, not romantic), I truly mean my soul in its entirety and incredibly. Apparently Brits aren't into the whole let's stand for the whole night and dance and scream along to this show the way most Americans do. Did I care? Nope. (Okay yes in the beginning). By the middle of the show Smith had said something along the lines of, "I'm sorry for my rubbish dancing but now I'm going to get you to join in on that." And did he? Yeah, he did.

At this point you do have a bit of a moment, a moment when the earth is turning around you, but you, physically, are not. The band kept going on about how incredible it is to be able to play at the O2 Arena London; to be given the opportunity to do something that great in their old stomping ground. Here, similar to Bruce, a huge part of me swells with excitement, with joy, and with grace. Because if this band of dweebs who can't dance, but can carry a tune has the chance to play the O2 Arena in London, I can quite literally follow my dreams, and they can come true.

It is no secret that I want so much from this life, that I have a hunger for more than what is here right now. I moved across an ocean to make that possible for myself. To know that there are people out there who have a love and a passion for their art, at a level that rivals the love of Romeo and Juliet. To know that they have actually gotten out and done it. To know that it is possible, is one of the most heart warming feelings in the world, I know I touched on this with Bruce a lot. I am aware of that; however, it's a big part of who I am. Music is and always has been a massive part of my life, the end goal has always been Hair and Makeup for Music, one way or another. So, watching these guys on stage running about knowing one day I could be behind a stage like that doing what I love, for a purpose it's unreal. Are all the dots connecting now?

I cried twice at this show. Once when they sang Oblivion, everyone had their phones out with the flashlight on (in a perfect world they would have been lighters and the bass would have made your chest beat). His voice filled your ears and the piano hit you right in the soul and for a second it was an Ed Sheeran show minus the ginger or the nuts. Then once again during Wild World, where they screened a video, made in New York City, across nearly seven massive LED screens. Two guys sat atop a high rise building, they watched as the New York skyline transitioned from day to night and lit up like the flame of a gas burning stove. I missed my city, my heart ached for my family at home, and all I could feel was feelings, every single one all at once. Which if you haven't ever felt that before, is one of the greatest feelings in the world. Because here I am in my new city, missing my old city, watching my entire heart prance around on stage at the O2 arena like a baby giraffe, and I'm getting out, I'm doing it and it is my entire world.

In the months since I have been here, I have been humbled time and time again. I have felt things I have never felt before. I have been blessed over and over again because of the gift I have been given. Because of my mom who is my rock, my dad and my sisters for their support, my Nanny for her love, and my second family for all the joy anyone could give. Time and time again I have felt the way that band did on stage playing the largest arena in their old stomping ground and I've only just gotten here, I've only just begun. (Maybe, not to quite the same degree just yet, let's face it, no one wants to peak in high school.)

When you go home for Thanksgiving; thank your mom for being your rock, your father and your siblings for their insurmountable support, your grandparents for more love than you have ever known, and feel all the joy you've been given. Go home sit on the couch you used to watch tv on, eat at the table where you gathered every night for dinner and feel blessed because there is so much in this wild world to know, to see, and to love. Be thankful for what you have what you have ever had and all you know.

The gigs my father went to were nights of legendary, they were rockstars and bands that will go down in history for as long as the earth spins. This gig, has made my heart whole, has given me more than I knew I could have, and that is good enough for me. Even if it isn't for him, because it is so real.

Shoutout to the dad who was sat next to me and who took his young girls to the show, he danced to every song right by my side.

XO